Living Fit // 12 Weeks Out

Fitness, Lifestyle

It’s been a while since I have actually blogged, and I have sort of used social media (my Instagram and fitness Facebook page) as my diary lately. I thought that while some of you may get a lot of info and a clear idea of what is going through my mind during this process from my various accounts, there may be those of you who only see particular feeds and miss out on some of the thought process and journey. So I think it’s time for me to begin blogging again. It won’t always be pieces that are educational or informative, but I think this will be a great mental outlet for me as I walk through my fitness journey.

As many of you know, I have been on a plan to compete in my first bikini bodybuilding competition on October 3, 2015. That’s 12 weeks from now! If you’ve been following me, you are probably aware of the immense pressure I place on myself and the commitment it takes to compete. I have been counting down the weeks since about week 20, and sometimes it feels like it takes forever, and other days it feels like it is disappearing in the blink of an eye!

I hired my coach about 2 months ago and have been seeing really great progress, in fact- faster progress than I ever saw when I was coaching myself. I have found incredible value in having an educated, professional and supportive coach as I walk through my fitness journey, particularly the last several months. When I was coaching myself, I was literally a walking science experiment of my own making. I constantly changed my macros, nutrition plan, and workouts. While I definitely saw progress, it was nowhere near what I have seen since working with my coach. I now have consistency, reliability, and steadiness that I didn’t have before.

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12 weeks out progress pictures (these are not the poses my coach critiques haha! I did these just for my own reference.)

One thing that I have found irreplaceable is having someone to get me out of my own head. Competing and working on reaching a goal can make me obsessive. I am already a Type A personality, and hyper sensitive to my flaws and mistakes. I am extremely goal focused and can get tunnel visioned on a goal very quickly. So having a coach that puts up with my impatience, lack of confidence in my efforts, and continually reminds me to be patient, take it a day at a time and to trust the process, has truly been one of the best things. While I have support from my husband, family and friends, I can easily receive positive encouragement as being biased because they love me. To have an outside party see my pictures week to week, look at my social media accounts, and tell me that I am making progress and doing well does wonders for my sanity.

Lately, I have found myself in a struggle between being goal focused/determined vs having some balance and grace with myself. I have countdowns written in my office and at home that serve as reminders for the deadline of Oct 3. Those countdowns to the deadline have become a bit of an unhealthy obsession for me. I found myself beating myself up for things I couldn’t or didn’t do. My coach hasn’t told me to do fasted cardio every morning and then go to the gym after work to lift and do more cardio. I set that as a goal for myself. So while it’s not an unreasonable feat for someone preparing to compete, it quickly turned into something I told myself I needed to do and when I felt my body presenting physical challenges, I mentally and emotionally beat myself up over the failure.

Throw in the mix that I have taken on more responsibility at work (which I am grateful for and love!) along with trying to be a good wife and keep my OCD tendencies at bay, and you have a hot mess of stress and anxiety. I’ve never associated listening to my body when I need a rest day, or changing a workout schedule with guilt. And yet here I was doing exactly that. While my diet overall has been really on par, not really missing the mark and being really consistent, I still found myself being really disappointed in myself. So over the past week I have been mentally and emotionally wrestling with what it looks like for me to have healthy boundaries with fitness.

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My typical breakfast! Cauliflower/eggwhite/flaxseed protein pancake, half a grapefruit, water and vitamins. That’s PB2 and Waldon Farm’s Pancake Syrup on top!

Boundaries are really important to me. Establishing with myself, and often others, what is expected and where those boundaries are give me clarity and safety. It allows me to know when I have crossed a line into obsession, or really any behavior that isn’t true to myself. I started to realize that I had removed all boundaries with fitness. Anything to reach my goal was fair game. Now, don’t get me wrong- I haven’t done anything crazy! But I just realized I had lost all balance. I read recently a great blog post by a teammate that talks about some of the more unglamorous sides of competing. And it made me realize that I need to establish what my boundaries actually are.

So, where do I draw the line? October 3 is not my be all, end all hard and fast deadline. Now, I am still far enough out that I still may be ready in time. But I’m not going to obsess over it. If I am ready by then, GREAT! If not, there’s always next season. The stage isn’t going anywhere. It’s not worth me losing my sanity and balance. It’s not worth the extra stress and anxiety. Instead, my goal is really to reach my health and fitness goals at some point. I don’t think I am far off or that it will take forever. I’m currently sitting at around 19% bodyfat, which is completely healthy and maintainable. I’ll still aim for lower, but I’m not unhappy with where I am at.

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Gym selfies are my favorite!

I have some strength goals that I want to accomplish in 2015, and I think I will easily hit them. I love the way that I eat every day, I love my workouts and my schedule. What I do now is absolutely sustainable for years to come. I thoroughly enjoy it. Really! So the plan now is to keep going. Not to push harder and obsess. But to take it a day at a time, celebrating small changes and victories, and practice a little bit more balance. That does not mean I eat outside of my macros all the time or skip workouts. What it means is that if there is an appropriate time and place those things can happen without any guilt.

I hired my coach for 16 weeks, but I have found this guidance to be irreplaceable. So that means for me, that it doesn’t stop at 16 weeks. I plan to continue with my coach and my team for the foreseeable future. Someday I will compete. Maybe October? Maybe next spring? But I’m not going to worry about it or force myself into a show. I’m going to enjoy life and my love for this lifestyle.

I hope that answers any questions people may have had after the last few weeks of social media posts! If you have more questions- feel free to ask in the comments! I hope to continue posting on my fitness journey, and not feel constrained to having well thought out and put together posts, but to really include more of these type of posts. Just real, raw, honest content. :)

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3 thoughts on “Living Fit // 12 Weeks Out

  1. I have been following you recently on Instagram and I am so impressed. I have followed several people from Team Hugely and I am so in awe of all you women! I want to have to drive, the stamina, the mental strength to get there. I inquired with Team Hugely and I am just trying to decide if it’s the right decision. I have spent money on other health coaches without the results or the support that I was looking for. Can you explain a little more what you have gotten out of joining, not details that you don’t want to share, just how you obtain support, what has made such a change for you and do you feel that the meal plan and workout is specific to you? I love watching your journey, it is truly inspiring me!

    1. Thanks for checking out my blog and it’s good to know my journey has inspired you!
      I have found that being a part of Team Heugly has been incredible and can’t imagine my journey without them! Here are a few things that I have gotten out of joining:
      – Community. I am an introvert, and I really don’t have people, let alone other women, in my life who are committed to their health and fitness like I am, let alone working out regularly or competing. I am the only female at my gym that has a consistent schedule (at least at the times I go) and so I am literally working out amongst strangers. The few people I do interact with face to face at my gym are all men. So they cannot relate to my journey in the same way a woman could. Team Heugly has brought some community into my life through social media (particularly Instagram) that I didn’t have before. Encouragement, ideas, recipes, etc. Love it!
      – My coach gets me out of my head. I am overly critical of myself, my flaws, my efforts, my failures etc. I get myself psyched out and worried. Having Shane as a coach means that he is always honest with me, gives me real legit feedback, encourages me when I freak myself out, tells me to take it a day at a time, and is supportive. Even just yesterday I was asking a question and his ultimate response was to ask if I wanted an honest answer, or the answer I want to hear. So clearly, I said honest. And I knew he was being serious and real. When I was on my own I was changing my diet ALL THE TIME, and to have consistency and try to let go and trust has been so wonderful. (Hard, but wonderful.)
      – Real feedback! My husband can compliment me until the day I die, but I love getting real feedback from a coach. No sugar coating, but real feedback.

      And yes, everything is catered to me specifically. My workouts, my macros/meal plan etc are all catered towards my goals, my limitations, and the way my body responds.
      I hope that helps!

      1. Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback. Still haven’t made up my mind what I will do but you definitely shed some light on what your coach has offered to you! I feel the same way at my gym, no real support, always strangers. I look forward to watching your transformation and I love seeing your posts! Keep up the amazing work, you look amazing and the best is yet to come!

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